Me, after working out several days in a row: "Why would I ever NOT work out?"
Me, after one day of rest: "Why would anyone work out EVER?"
that one song that starts playing and you recognize it immediately and you just
illkim: *throws $20 bill at stripper* hey can I have the change
“why don’t poor people just get a job?”
asap-tran: really-shit: If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you. fuck
castielandhishunters: calumon: my school’s “rival school” is on lockdown right now bc someone put weed in the vents so everyones slowly getting high oh my godd I guess now you could call it a high school
laugh-addict: When your friends start picking up phrases you use all the time
durbikins: When I die, I want to be buried with sunglasses on and my hands behind my head. So when I deteriorate, I’ll be the chillest skeleton in the graveyard.
my computer describes my life better than anyone
pizza: when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that i can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s better and involves me
if i had a dollar for every time u annoyed me
witchpop: why do u only have 1 wing
We can only be friends if you’re kind of an asshole. Not full blown asshole because that’s no fun. And if you’re not an asshole at all then that won’t work either. A halfway asshole. Those are my kind of people.
balloonney: teachers who don’t let videos buffer before playing them and think the video is broken when it stops to load “well it’s a shame the video’s not working. i guess we’ll have to do this packet instead” “work in pairs”
maths-sucks: h0odrich: someone was just born I hope they’re hot
onefitmodel: realising that we’re almost halfway through the year 2013 and i have literally achieved nothing
blein: sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS...
d-issolve: If i got a dollar for every time i thought about you, i would start thinking about you